Just because you didn't find exactly what you were looking for the first time around, doesn't mean you can't fully enjoy "I Do," take two! This is another opportunity to celebrate love, not to mention a chance to start a new and refreshing chapter in your life. Unfortunately, everyone is going to have an opinion on the right and wrong things to do at your second wedding , so you may get a flashback from the stress of planning your first! But remember, this is still your day and in many ways, you may actually have a bit more leeway with your second ceremony and reception than you did with your first. So keep reading for insightful answers to some of your most tricky second wedding questions, and then get on with the celebration!
The Bride: By now we're sure you've heard that age-old adage that no bride should wear white to her second wedding. We scoff at whoever made this supposed "rule." The fact is that many brides don't wear white to their second weddings because they choose not to--not because it's some unwritten rule of wedding etiquette. Since you're older and more mature, you may want to wear something a bit more comfortable, or maybe even a bit more sexy--now is the time to stray away from the innocent, princess look if you so desire. On that same token, if you weren't happy with your dress the first time around or eloped without a fancy gown , now is the opportunity to wear what you've always dreamed of.
The Bridal Party: More often than not, the bridal party at a second wedding may incorporate children as flower girls, ring bearers, junior bridesmaids/groomsmen and even as best men and maids of honour. Deciding what your children should wear is entirely up to you, and should be influenced by the style and location of the wedding. If your second go around is a bit more casual, khakis ,collared shirts and cotton dresses should suffice. If you're having a destination wedding--say at a tropical resort--it may be cute to get matching Hawaiian style polos for the boys and matching sun dresses for the girls. Again, this is still your wedding, so there aren't any rules set in stone. Oh, and as for the groom, he can forgo the dinner jacket for a nice blazer and tie .
Chances are that your parents won't be helping to pay for your second wedding, and the wedding invitations should reflect this change. They can instead be written to include you and your spouse, with something like, "Mary Smith and Bob Jones invite you to join them for their celebration of marriage." And if you and your soon-to be spouse have children, they too can be part of the invitation with wording by saying something to the effect of, "Mary Smith and Bob Jones invite you to join them as they celebrate their wedding, and together with their son Winston Jones, become one family." But remember that the most important part of any invitation is still including all the relevant information--time, place, dinner style--and the acknowledgement of who is hosting (and thus paying).
Informing the Ex
Telling your ex about your impending wedding can be an uncomfortable situation, and in many cases, it isn't absolutely necessary you tell them. The circumstances that do call for you to inform them, however, include:
- If you have children. Ask them if they would like to tell your ex, or if they would prefer that you do it. Whatever makes them most comfortable and happy is the best choice.
- If you don't want him/her to hear it from someone else. If you know that your ex-spouse is going to find out through the grapevine anyway, it may be less hurtful and shocking if they hear it directly from you. You can be honest and courteous, sending an email, letter or even calling them to share the news.
Gifts and Bridal Showers
Before second weddings became more commonplace, it was traditionally accepted that gifts and showers were not necessary the second time around. Assuming that you and your soon-to-be-spouse are two established adults, you really have no need for basic household items. Since re-marriage has become more mainstream, the idea of another round of gift-giving has also become more acceptable. You can register for less practical things this time around, like art work or other decorative home goods . And if your friends insist on having a bridal shower, ask that they each bring a bottle of wine or a new dessert recipe as gifts--whatever suits your current, more adult lifestyle!