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Pre-Marital Cold Feet

So the big day is inching closer and closer, but instead of being overcome with joy, you're feeling nauseous.  Experiencing proverbial "cold-feet" before your wedding day  is something that many people go through, but often fail to discuss with their partners, family and/or counsellors.   Whether it's a fear of lifelong commitment, a mourning over a lost single life or uncertainty if your partner is really "the one," no reason is too silly or so complicated that it should just be ignored altogether.  And if your pre-wedding jitters do turn out to be more than just a passing phase, that's okay too.  Avoiding marriage  to the wrong person is better than getting married to the wrong person and could ultimately help you avoid a sticky divorce.  So check out the rest of this guide for some simple suggestions and resources that may help clear your head and have you on your way to wedded or unwedded bliss.

Getting to the Core

How well do you really know your partner?  While you spend time fretting over table linens  and honeymoon  reservations, are you forgetting to address some of the bigger issues at hand here?  In order calm your pre-marital nerves, it may be a good idea to talk to a marriage counsellor  about some of the fundamental topics you and your spouse to be will have to face in the future.  While you may be a good match for one another on the surface, some of your deep-seated values and beliefs may at odds with one another.  Make sure you know where you stand on issues like:

  • Careers.
  • Finances.
  • Children and Parenting Styles.
  • Religious Convictions.

Talking to a professional who can properly mediate a conversation in these touchy areas may be your best bet, so that you both maintain level-headed attitudes and can work toward reaching common viewpoints and goals.  If you can't afford to hire a professional or simply don't have the time to see one, you may be able to do some work on your own by taking a marriage assessment inventory online.  Seek out websites that specialize in professional pre-marital counselling,  and see if they have any tests that you can take online to discover you and your partner's compatibility on fundamental issues.

Things to Remember

  • It's okay to share that cold-feet feeling with your partner.  These are not uncommon thoughts, and if your partner loves you, he or she will try best to understand your feelings and help you work through them.  These are the type of conversations that can actually bring you closer together!
  • Just because you have some personality differences doesn't mean your incompatible. Marriage is about compromise and commitment.
  • If you or your spouse-to-be decides to break it off, there are millions of other people on the planet!  Return the rings,  be thankful that you avoided a potential mess of a marriage and get back to searching for the true Mr. or Mrs. Right!

Related Guides

Wedding Etiquette

Pre and Post Wedding Festivities

Prenuptial Agreements

Wedding Planning

Bridal Emergency Kits

External Links